I've been in an interesting spot in my life. It feels a bit like a stalemate. A calm before the storm. I've reached the fork in the road . . . though, there are definitely more than just 2 choices.

I cannot even begin to explain the manner in which God has changed my heart in the last 5 months, and even now, I feel Him challenging me more than ever.

I'm not going to describe this change. I prefer to let it be shown. What I am going to share is what happened today.

For the last 5 months, I have been planning on doing a 2 month missions trip this summer. The process went as follows -

I was definite about going to Uganda.

I began to feel less eagerness for it and was curious about other countries.

I researched other trips and made a list of options: Uganda, Ghana, Sierra Leone, Thailand, India, Morocco, or Israel.

I narrowed it back to Uganda and Sierra Leone.

It was here that the weight of it all burdened me. Both trips would only be 7 weeks in length. I began to wonder if I should go with a Christian organization or just do an independent trip for 12 weeks via a secular organization. I was so conflicted! I broke into tears a few times, especially as the New Year approached. What do I do?

I consulted my dearest friend time and again. I just did not know why it suddenly felt so off, so not right. What happened? Why was I still absolutely called to do this, yet why was it now feeling like it was not enough?

I watched video after video of Uganda and Sierra Leone. I wept, laughed, and smiled. It's funny how I can be in love with an entire people I have not met.

At this same time, I began looking at my near future, and all at once it hit me - Girl, college is ending . . . where are you going?

I had no idea. I always just contended myself saying I would go where God wanted me to go, but now I realized that I needed to listen to what He was saying.

Do I go into graduate school after a summer missions trip?

Do I do the Invisible Children roadie program next spring?

Do I do the IMB 2 year missions program?

Do I get a job out here and work with prostitutes and abused women like my heart desires?

God . . . where do I go from here?

It felt so far away not too long ago, but now the reality of the future has stomped up my doorstep and is banging on the door. Banging loudly.

About two weeks ago, as I was looking at summer missions, I came across something called The World Race. Curious . . . I began reading.

The World Race is an 11 month missions trip to 11 different countries. One month in each with a team of 6-8 people. I searched through the different itineraries. The first I saw included this: Ireland, Ukraine, Romania, Israel, Egypt, Kenya, Uganda, Unknown Location, Thailand, Cambodia, Unknown Location.

Suddenly . . . there was another option. Once more, I poured my heart over all the choices I had. God, where do You want me?! Where?

I made pro and con lists to both. Now . . . now I had a forked road.

I would either do a 2 month trip this summer, finish school, and do the roadie program, or I would work and finish school and in January leave for a year to travel the world.

I was lost. My parents were asking me what I was planning. My best friend told me that it was my decision, not something someone could make for me.

So, I decided to sit and to wait.

God's timing is remarkable. In the last week, I found a calm and peace come over me. I became a little recluse, spending most of my days with God. I dived into the Word and into other Christian works. I researched places and opportunities.

Today . . . as I sat in my Adolescent Psychology class . . . I got my answer. It was clear as a bell. So direct. Thankfully, I sat in the back of the class, because I broke into tears. I almost began laughing with unbridled joy.

Next January. . . January 2011, I will be leaving for a year. About one month of training and learning of my team, and then 11 months in 11 countries that I know not of at the moment.

This . . . this is huge. This is the biggest decision I've ever made. I need to raise at least $15,000 between now and then, which I am not worried about. I won't know where I am going. I won't know my team. This is total dependence on God. God just flat out told me, "I want you to give up everything."

For 11 months I will live with 6 strangers. I will live out of a backpack. I know it is a year away . . . but a year passes quickly. God knows that 2 months, while it would be a stretch, is not enough. He wants my whole, not a part, and He is going to teach me full dependence and trust.

I had so many objections. Petty ones.

God . . . a year is a long time away from home.

God . . . I won't get to talk to family and friend very much.

God . . . this kinda means that any relationship forming in the next 2 years is out the door . . . and right as everyone is getting engaged and married.

God . . . that is a long time to put off a career and grad school.

God's response: I want all of you. I want you a from now until your body no longer lives. I want to be enough. More then family. More then friends. More then any man. I want your eyes on me, your desire to be only for Me, and I want you to give up it all and watch Me take your world apart and show you My heart.

"I made her in such a way that she would need Me. I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be ... only because I need her to depend on Me. I know her heart. I know if I had not made her like this, she would go her own way and forget me... her Creator."

I'm excited . . . a little nervous . . . but above all, I feel content and peaceful. This will be hard to do. I am just now seeing how selfish I am with what I want, and He is really telling me to let it all go.

So . . . I plan to make this next year radical. It is time to grow like never before.

My future:

http://www.theworldrace.org/

The World Race from Adventures In Missions on Vimeo.